When I was younger I used to lay in bed at night thinking. My mind would move from one topic to the next for what seemed like hours. Sometimes it was planning out things to do the next day. Sometimes I was worrying about the things I’d said or done the day before. I’d write stories in my head or I’d replay events figuring out how I could have handled it better. My brain just didn’t want to turn off.
I think most people have this happen at least occasionally, but it was a regular thing for me that continued through my twenties. In fact it really didn’t stop for me until my life got so busy and tiring that I began to fall asleep within minutes of turning the lights out out of simple exhaustion. I had a simple method of dealing with my hyperactive brain and it was reading. Fiction was the ideal way to distract me and relax my brain. It’s why I was able to read such a large number of books over the years. To this day I still do most of my reading at night. It’s just become an ingrained habit.
Interesting sidebar. It seems that people with Aspergers often experience this sort of difficulty calming down enough to go to sleep. While I was never diagnosed with Aspergers, one of my sons has. Maybe it’s coincidence, maybe it’s not.
The reason I’m writing about this now, is that I seem to be reverting to my old sleeping patterns. It took me a few nights to realize what was happening, but this week I’ve been laying in bed in the dark replaying the days events. It starts off simply enough, just quickly thinking about a particular incident. And then I run through it again. And again.
It’s as though my brain gets stuck in a loop. Part of me is aware of what’s happening, but I’m not able to break free of it and I go right back to worrying at the incident.
Did I say the right thing? Was the other person being unreasonable? What else could I have done? Why didn’t I do it? What will the fallout be? Did I say the right thing? Was the other person being unreasonable?
And on it goes.
I’m not sure why this has started up again, and I’m really hoping it’s just a reaction to a particularly stressful few weeks. Whatever the cause, I guess I’m going to get a lot more books read.